Lucky yet Unhappy

Lucky yet Unhappy

I have to admit that I am very lucky of what I have now. I am so fortunate that my parents raised me well; send me to school with enough support both morally and financially, and of course the love and the care they give me. I am also so privilege that I have a lot of friends who are there when I need them, shares laughter and tears together with me, accompany me in all the things I did. And most especially I have God, who is there to raise me up so I can stand when I have problems, carry me during stormy weathers, and lead me to the right path of life.
I am so thankful for all the blessings I have. For the talent He endowed into me that makes me productive, for the wisdom and intelligence that makes me smart and leads me to a brighter future, for the wealth that made me sustain in this world, and for a nice physical that made me presentable. With all of these, I can consider myself very lucky.
But at the end of the day, I am still not happy. I still long for a successful mutual relationship towards another person, yet for me, it’s hard to have. I am very curious of what is in me that makes people hard for me to love? For the one I am attracted, they stay away from me and will not try to learn loving me. And for the one who tried to love me, they will not stay long. What is in me? I am nice and sweet the way I know.
Well, we have a lot of things to consider and we cannot please everybody. Somehow, I feel like I am the most unlucky person in this field. Maybe God has a perfect time for me. I know He loves me so much. And aside from that, everything He did as a purpose. Maybe, it’s not yet now. I must be patient.
I am so lucky. YET, I am still unhappy

Sunday, August 21, 2011 2 Comments

People who passed by

Love life has been part of every individual’s life. It is very impossible that you will pass away without experiencing the ecstasy of true love. Me, myself also experience more than that.
I've been engaged with different types of people. To name them, here they are in their glamour look,:

Walay hinawayah ha?

His name is Raymond Gregory Barrocca. We are classmates from grade 1 to grade for. We are always teased by our classmates during our classes. I am his paper provider because we are seatmates. I am also his answer provider during Sibika at Kultura time. Our story ended up when he transferred at Don Bosco here in Dumaguete..As of now, were not that close. She has many girls right now,,peru isa lang ang sasabihin ko, NAUNA AKO nOh!!!!!!

From boy, girl is the next in line. She is Ara C. Aban, my first year high school classmate. When I am still first year high school, I am not so gay. I am very silent but I speak during classes. I will not mingle with my classmates because I am afraid if they will know the real me because maybe they will tell my papa and my father will scold me. This girl is very silent, demure, and very sweet. Yes, I courted her and we became lovers. But our relationship did not last long because she went to Sweden for education. Iyaha kong gibiya_an..huhuhuhuhu. We meet again this year, pero sorry, hindi na kita BET..harhar

Let’s be serious this time. A boy that last long. A boy who will take the risk makasama lang ako. I love this guy so much. He really made efforts para magkakita rami ug mag-work ang so-called same sex relationship. We have been into a very deep relationship. We even did the most sacred things. But the foundation of it was just eventually gone due to unexpected things. But, thank you Ryan, you’ve made my life complete……Godbless to your life!...

Acceptance of who you really are is really hard to acquire. But thank you to this girl. She accept me if who I am, what I make, and what my pasts are. We are very open with each other. We are enemies at first, but we became friends, good friends, and even more than friends. But we decided to walk with different ways. We realized that we are not really meant for each other. Daghan kayo kog sala aning bayhana, sige rkog biga-biga sa uban. Abi nkog dili masakpan,,masakpan man diay,,towew anyways, thank very much dear,,,,,,hindi ko makaklimutan ang sandaling nagging tayo..

The guy the gay that is very hard to forget. His name is Linwell A. Bungcasan. Yes, we have the same family name. I don’t care. I love him regardless of everything. His hip sways better than me. But theres one thing I can say “I love you more than you would ever know, but sorry, you lost your chance to be loved more than you would feel in the rest of your life,,,!!!!..

We have to live life to the fullest. We have to treasure the persons who love and care for us, because they will only come once. We should not be afraid to be hurt. Because it is a protocol that if you love, you will also cry. God really design our life in a very nice way. He let us cry in order for us to realize that we really need to be strong. He also let us laughs for us to remember that we are wonderful the way we are. Do not be shy. Only God has a right to judge us. Don’t mind what people say. Be happy! You deserve it:)

Wednesday, August 17, 2011 5 Comments

I think I am in love

Tick! Tack!!! Time check! It’s already 1 am while I make this blog because I can’t sleep thinking of someone. I hurriedly pulled out the laptop of my roommate and start typing...

These past days, I noticed something deep within me. A special feeling I seldom feel to a person, a feeling that all of us can feel, more satisfying compared after our large intestine relax and contracts-to be in loved.

First time I knew him; he is very silent and doesn’t mind any people around him. But when we talk, I said to myself, “Okay raman diay siya, abi nkog hambog.” Later on, we used to talk, we laugh, and we kill each other through jokes. With those moments we have together, I was not expecting that those will lead to something very special-being in love.

I experienced this for how many times as the fact that I’m still fresh from it. And one of those lessons I learned are not to confess your feelings and do not expect too much. But one problem is that I have an attitude that I cannot keep feelings in myself causing me to tell it to someone. Thanks God, “usa ragud ang nakabalo.”

Then everything started, I am starting to do what desperate lovers usually did. Staring at him when he’s not looking at me, sige ug papansin bisag OA na mausahay, affected sa mga text message ug napuno ug smileys ang mga message ,and gikilig nga siya ray kabalo. How stupid but sometimes stupidity makes people happy.
He is single but I think, there is one who is attracted to him. A girl na wala akong kalaban-laban kaya ayaw ko nalang makipag- laban. It is okay, I have a nice and straight legs compared to her, and aside from that I am more confident to smile than her. heheheh..Im so bad...

But as what I’ve said, do not expect too much. If we are meant together, then no matter what happen,maging kami talaga. But if it’s not, then maybe somebody more deserving to us will takes place, right?

But gosh! How many times people disregard of their sexual status broke my heart? Am I hard to love? Am I that ugly? What will I do? I did my best for me to be nicer.
If true love can wait...How long it will be? How long will I suffer the feeling of being an outcast, the unlovable and the unloved? How long will I’ll be alone in the world. I cannot wait. I am now physically and emotionally ready...I want him to be the recipient of my love, care and affection.

I hope that in one of his dreams, he will realize that I am just here at the side walk, waiting for him, and ready to walk life together with him. I am very loving as a lover to the extent of giving 100% of my life to him. I am very caring, I care very much more than to myself.

I always laugh to people but they just don’t know that behind those laughter, giving up is already next in line.
Hope I can make another emo blog.....

Monday, August 15, 2011 2 Comments

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