My Honest Confession
The first time I saw him dance was stupefaction. The second time I glanced at him was attraction. And the third time I set eyes on him was love.
I have to admit that I have a talent in Cosmetics. To enhance such ability, I volunteered to be the make-up artist of our college during last year’s Mr. and Ms. NORSU pageant. As an additional help to the college, I hired a trainer for the talent presentation of our candidates. I just knew I picked the right person for the job.
I met him long before the pageant, and as I saw him dance with his striking moves for the first time, I knew that something deep inside me dictated that he might be the one. We went along our practice for several days and everyday with him was a perfect day. I would always attend rehearsals though I was not required to go just to make sure that I won’t miss a day not seeing him. I covered his faults when he did mistakes. I even reached to a point where I suffered the mistakes I did not make. But I was not remorseful of what I did for him. I became willing so the more to sacrifice for the sake of love.
Then, a realization came. I cannot afford to have more sleepless nights and pimples. I really have to tell him what I felt for him though it might mean the end of our established friendship. That moment was awkward but I finally said that I have a special feeling for him. It was never easy to do that but my love and the desire to have him motivated me well. However, he gave no reply to what I opened up. According to him, he respected what I felt but he did not know what to answer. His respect for me was not enough.
I was not shy to tell him that I like him very much. I even made efforts of making him closer to me. I befriended each of his friends and tried to make them my own friends. I attended night-outs with them even if I don’t have enough money already. I set my projects and exams aside just to be with him. Sometimes, he would reject my phone calls. But even that did not stop me.
From time to time, I slowly found out that there were barriers to winning him. First was that we have the same surname. Second was the fact that we both belong to that so-called “third gender.” Some say that he is a bisexual but they also said that he has more girly traits than I.
There, I finally realized that I won’t be bitter and fill myself with hatred when the one I chose to love did not choose me. I asked, listened, and then let go. I won’t force myself to understand when I can't, to fight when obviously it’s over and to play deaf to the nagging truth that what I've done did not work and won't work anymore. Instead, I said that I have loved him more than he’d think I would but I feel sorry that he lost his chance to be loved more than he would ever feel for the rest of his existence.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
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